About 14 years ago, I found out I was pregnant. I was scared, ashamed and overwhelmed. Lies tried to drown me with feelings of doubt, loneliness, and insecurity. But from the moment she was born, she changed my life. In darker moments she gave me a reason to live on. In brighter moments she gave me hope and inspired me to change. I wasn’t always the mother she deserved but even in my failures, she taught me of innocence; of unwavering trust and undeserving love.
As she grew I matured, I healed and I learned to love as she does. Each year her birthday means more than just another year older, it marks the growth of our family. It’s not just another year I was allowed to spend with her, it’s another year blessed with lessons and grace, another year I’m allowed to live a life I never dared to dream of.
In hardships people often question God – Why me? Life is hard and pain is both inevitable and unavoidable but for me, the pain has always been somewhat easier to understand and anticipate. My new truths are often times harder to grasp but my faith isn’t grounded in word speak, clichés or even biblical history. My beliefs are a manifestation of my experiences – the good, the bad, the beautiful mess. And through it all, I’ve experienced the hand of God, and that has made all the difference.
Each year my daughter’s birthday is a reflective time for me. This year as I look at what God’s brought us through, I look at where we are and I am grateful, I’m so so grateful and I can’t help but wonder…Why me? and What’s Next?
With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good